Rules of the TARDIS
by rosexknight
Summary: Lists of funny Doctor Who things because I love lists I see   I have that it's Doctor 11 and 10, but there's Doctor 9 and companions in there too.
1. Chapter 1

**I love these lists, so I thought I'd make one too =] Let me know what you think!**

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter one

1. Don't wander off...while the Doctor is looking.

2. Don't ask stupid quiestions.

3. The Doctor finds many questions stupid. It's a Time Lord thing.

4. Do everything the Doctor says, unless of course he tells you not to.

5. The Doctor has brilliant ideas.

6. Sometimes, the Doctor doesn't have brilliant ideas and makes himself a target.

7. The sonic doesn't do wood.

8. Don't diss the sonic.

9. River Song doesn't like spoilers

10. Bowties are cool


	2. Chapter 2

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter two

11. People call him the Doctor

12. He doesn't know why.

13. He calls himself the Doctor too.

14. Still doesn't know why.

15. The Doctor's good at football...He thinks.

16. According to Rose, it's the good looking ones that always vanish into thin air.

17. *as the TARDIS fades away* Tose is right.

18. The universe doesn't implode when the Doctor dances.

19. Bananas are a great source of potassium.

20. The Doctor looks at a screwdriver and says "Oo this could use a bit more sonic."


	3. Chapter 3

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter three

21. There's only one of the Doctor. He counted.

22. Queen Victoria is not amused.

23. Rose won the bet.

24. Only an idiot hangs a union flag upside down.

25. The Doctor is usually the first in line to argue with history.

26. Breathing is good.

27. The Doctor would call you a genious, but he's in the room.

28. Time is not linear.

29. It's a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

30. Sometimes, everyone lives.


	4. Chapter 4

The Rules of the TARDIS: chapter four

31. "No turning back" is bad.

32. Almost as bad as "Nothing could possibly go wrong."

33. The Doctor really makes it all up as he goes along.

34. But he does it brilliantly.

35. The Doctor often beams away like he's father Christmas.

36. But who says he's not?

37. Red bicycle when you were twelve.

38. The Doctor loves it when he escapes.

39. The Doctor points and laughs at archeologists.

40. The Doctor can buy a fez. Fezzes are cool.

**That's all I'm gonna post right now, but I WILL have more. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know! Reviews and rates are love!**


	5. Chapter 5

Special thanks to ppk and PrettyPinkOrchard for helping me with ideas! If anyone else wants to add something, just let me know! =D

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter five

41. The Doctor has never been ginger.

42. The Doctor really wants to be.

43. The Doctor likes to travel with an enterage.

44. Or a Tin Dog.

45. The Doctor is really good at fixing rocks.

46. Just call him "the rockmeister."

47. No. He's The Doctor. Don't call him "the rockmeister."

48. The Doctor doesn't like how time normally passes.

49. Really slowly...and in the right order.

50. Football's the one with the sticks isn't it?


	6. Chapter 6

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter six

51. The Doctor is always armed.

52. With overconfidance and a small screwdriver.

53. He's squared away.

54. Jack's got a banana

55. And in a pinch, the Doctor could put up some shelves.

56. Rose didn't want the Doctor to keep the horse.

57. But he let her keep Mickey so HA!

58. The French know how to party.

59. Agetha Kristy only fooled the Doctor once.

60. But it was a GOOOD once.


	7. Chapter 7

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter seven

61. Who the he## is he?

62. He's the Doctor!

63. And he just snugged Madame De Pompadour!

64. River needed the Doctor to sonic her.

65. Ooh, Doctor! You soniced her!

66. Queen Elizabeth REALLY doesn't like the Doctor.

67. Donna Noble is REALLY bad at charades.

68. The Doctor strokes bits of the TARDIS.

69. I'm guessing then would be a good time to just leave them alone...

70. Correctomundo is a word the Doctor has never used before and hopefully never will again


	8. Chapter 8

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter eight

71. The Doctor likes to say "physics" over and over again.

72. Stand right there.

73. Cause the Doctor's gonna hug you.

74. He hopes it's okay.

75. When the Ood warn you of something, don't take it lightly.

76. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Seriously, GET OUT OF THERE!

77. The Doctor can tell when it is just by smelling.

78. Or maybe it was that vintage car coming up the drive that gave it away...

79. You're always running with the Doctor.

80. But it feels like it'll go on forever.


	9. Chapter 9

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter nine

81. The Doctor just wants a mate.

82. Donna Noble does not want to mate.

83. Torchwood sucks.

84. You thought they were the good guys at first didn't you?

85. Wow were you wrong.

86. The Doctor doesn't like meeting the parents.

87. Especially when they kiss him.

88. The Daleks don't ever stay dead.

89. It's rather annoying sometimes.

90. David Tennant does not like pears


	10. Chapter 10

Rules of the TARDIS: chapter ten

91. Pete from the other dimension is rich.

92. Jackie doesn't care about that.

93. ...How rich?

94. After five seasons, you get tired of "Exterminate!" and "Delete!"

95. The Shadow Proclimation just scares aliens a bit.

96. Other than that, it's really useless.

97. Like the sonic screwdriver cuz it doesn't do wood.

98. The Doctor says he's bringing you to one place for fun.

99. But then it turns out that you're in a completely different place constantly running for your life.

100. I wouldn't trust him after a wile...


	11. Chapter 11

**Rules of the TARDIS**

_Chapter eleven_

101. Rose is chavtastic again.

102. The Doctor's beating out a samba!

103. The Daleks needed the 27 planets, but what if they became 26?

104. When the Empty Child wanted his mummy, the Doctor sent him to his room.

105. He's glad that worked, though. Those would have been terrible last words.

106. Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister.

107. Yes, we know who you are.

108. Always turn left.

109. The Doctor often doesn't agree with manuals.

110. He just chunks em into supernovas.


	12. Chapter 12

**Rules of the TARDIS**

_Chapter twelve_

111. The Doctor will never say "Who da man?" ever again.

112. There's a lot of things the Doctor will never say again.

113. But for the record, he IS the man.

114. Well, not "man."

115. Time Lord.

116. You know what I mean!

117. The point is, he's awesome.

118. According to Jack, Rose has an excellent bottom.

119. Donna Noble wants to travel forever.

120. It's a Jammie Dodger, but the Doctor was promised tea.


	13. Chapter 13

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter thirteen

121. The Doctor isn't impossible.

122. He's just a little unlikely.

123. Now before I go on, I don't think I'm making myself clear...

124. Funny is like this: =D

125. Not funny is like this: =(

126. And right now, the Master's not like =D

127. He's like =(

128. The Doctor has comphy chairs.

129. The Weeping Angels have no need of comphy chairs.

130. Ha he made them say "comphy chairs."


	14. Chapter 14

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter fourteen

131. Don't look away.

132. Don't turn your back.

133. Don't blink.

134. Or let the Doctor eat a pear.

135. Cause y'know he hates pears.

136. The Doctor looks human.

137. But really we look Time Lord.

138. They came first.

139. The Doctor doesn't get involved in the affairs of other people, other times, or other planets.

140. Unless there are children crying.


	15. Chapter 15

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter fifteen

141. The Doctor's is bigger than yours.

142. But let's not go there...

143. The Doctor will explain things at ninety miles an hour.

144. Just smile and nod.

145. Don't say "What?"

146. If you do, he'll look at you like you just dribbled all over your shirt.

147. The Doctor is an observer.

148. He's always kept up that rule.

149. He never gets involved in the affairs of other planets or times.

150. ...*cough*


	16. Chapter 16

**Special thanks to TheDoctorOrGabriel, Dark-Wiccan-Goddess, Draginfire2lm, and Uncharacteristically-Feminine for helping me so much! You are all totally awesome! =D**

Rules of the TARDIS  
  
_Chapter sixteen_

151. You don't wanna know what Jack is thinking right now.

152. You can hug Donna if you want.

153. No, really, you can hug her.

154. Amy Pond, guess what?

155. Gotcha.

156. Is there anyone named Alonso?

157. Cuz there's something the Doctor's always wanted to say.

158. Allonsy, Alonso!

159. Always take a banana to a party.

160. Bananas are good.


	17. Chapter 17

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter seventeen

161. The Doctor is rude.

162. And still not ginger.

163. The Doctor thinks fezzes are cool.

164. River Song disagrees.

165. Affirmative.

167. Exterminate.

168. Delete.

169. All Doctor Who robot catch phrases =)

170. You always know the season finale is close when the Daleks show up a second or third time.


	18. Chapter 18

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter eighteen

171. Will it work?

172. Yes.

173. Is he sure?

174. Yes.

175. Is that a lie?

176. Of course it's a lie!

177. Rule #1: the Doctor lies.

178. That's Captain Jack Harkness.

179. No don't.

180. Just...don't.


	19. Chapter 19

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter nineteen

181. Always turn left.

182. Cuz if you don't things are gonna get REALLY screwed up.

183. The Doctor is a mad man.

184. With a box.

185. Nobody can open the TARDIS by snapping their fingers. It doesn't work like that.

186. But it does.

187. For the Doctor.

188. Beans are evil.

189. The Doctor needs fishfingers.

190. And custard.


	20. Chapter 20

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter twenty

191. The Doctor pops out of cakes.

192. But usually the wrong cake.

193. This is the Doctor's Timey-Wimey Ditector.

194. It goes ding when there's stuff.

195. That's bad.

196. Oh that is very not good.

197. Box falls out of the sky.

198. Man falls out of a box.

199. Man eats fish custard.

200. And look at you! Just sitting there!

**200! Heck to the yes! =D Thank you all and keep the ideas coming! X3**


	21. Chapter 21

Once again, thank you Uncharacteristically-Feminine and DoctorOrGabriel for all of your awesome ideas! =D

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter twenty-one

201. The Doctor needs something salty.

202. But bot salt.

203. That's too salty.

204. They were talking about dancing

205. It didn't look like talking

206. Didn't feel like dancing.

207. Jack would like to have this dance

208. I'm sure he would, but with who?

209. The Doctor's is bigger than yours.

210. But let's not go there...


	22. Chapter 22

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter twenty-two

211. How come Jack never gets any of that?

212. He'd have to buy the Doctor a drink first

213. Such hard work

214. But worth it!

215. Can't Jack say hello to anyone?

216. Forget or protest?

217. Protest!

218. Nobody human has anything to say to him today!

219. The Doctor wants to see the stomach.

220. But not right now.


	23. Chapter 23

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter twenty-three

221. The Doctor leaves the breaks on

222. But he likes the sound. Loves that sound!

223. He doesn't use the blue stabilizers either.

224. Because they're not blue stabilizers! They're blue boring-ers!

225. Is that Craig's toothbrush?

226. Correct.

227. The Doctor thought you were in trouble.

228. Well, it's great to know whenever we're in trouble he'll save us with a toothbrush.

229. She kissed you? So you kissed her back?

230. No, he kissed her mouth.


	24. Chapter 24

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter twenty-four

231. They've got a game today. Pub leauge.

232. Is that a drinking game?

233. No, football

234. Ah yes. The Doctor's good at football.

235. He thinks.

236. Now, football's the one with the sticks isn't it?

237. The Doctor only came for the dancing.

238. Just wave your arms. Keep it loose.

239. Amy thinks he's terrible.

240. ...he kind of is.


	25. Chapter 25

Rules of the TARDIS

Chapter twenty-five

241. He always dances at weddings.

242. But nevermind that. Spoilers.

243. SILENCE WILL FALL

244. But first, the new season has to start.

245. A partnership?

246. That's not a good idea.

247. He's a Time Lord.

248. You're a human.

249. Think of the children.

250. Oh that's extremely very not good.


	26. Chapter 26

**Rules of the ****TARDIS**

Chapter Twenty-Six

251. Not a many of men can carry off a decorative vegetable.

252. The Doctor doesn't like to see the back of his head

253. So can he put the hat back on?

254. He is NOT a fan!

255. He runs a lot. There is an outrageous amount of running!

256. You're telling me you don't know where you are?

257. No idea. More fun that way.

258. Is it just me or when the Ood pop up, does it mean trouble?

259. Christmas is never a good sign either.

260. Actually, really ANYTHING that's outside the TARDIS could be a bad thing with the Doctor around.


	27. Chapter 27

**Rules of the TARDIS**

Chapter Twenty-Seven  
  
261. You can never go wrong with a bit of ELO.

262. The Doctor doesn't meddle with the affairs of space and time.

263. He is merely an observer.

264. *cough cough*

265. He will knock four times.

266. Memories leave a footprint. Echoes in time.

267. And Amy Pond is too stubborn to forget.

268. Fantastic!

269. Allonsy!

270. Geronimo!


	28. Chapter 28

**Rules of the TARDIS**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

271. Look it's a big mining thing!

272. See? Better than Rio! Rio doesn't have a big mining thing!

273. The Doctor loves a big mining thing.

274. The Doctor loves Yogurt.

275. Not really. He hates it.

276. Beans are evil.

277. She hit him with a Kriket bat!

278. The Doctor is always late.

279. So when he says five minutes, expect him to be back twelve years later.

280. But always wait five and a half hours.


	29. Chapter 29

**Rules of the TARDIS**

Chapter Twenty-nine

281. Why does nobody ever listen to the Doctor?

282. Does he just have a face that nobody listens to?

283. Well...faces.

284. Donna can't even set a VCR!

285. But still she can save the universe!

286. The Doctor and the TARDIS share a connection.

287. It's cause he saved her.

288. Well stole her but still it saved her!

289. That's breaking and entering!

290. No. Sonicing and entering.  
Completely different.


	30. Chapter 30

**Rules of the TARDIS**

Chapter Thirty

291. The Doctor's is bigger than yours.

292. Let's not go there.

293. Time Lords are biased.

294. Sorry all you anomales.

295. Unless you're Jack. Cause Jack is cool.

296. Are you my mummy?

297. Right he will just step into that poliece box and arrest himself!

298. You see this lot,

299. Out here...surviving.

300. And that's fantastic!

**Alright that's all I got right now guys…I need more ideas! Please let me know if you lot have any! Share your brilliance! Reviews are love! Merry Christmas everyone!**


	31. Chapter 31

**RosexKnight is finally back! And with a vengeance! I'm sorry about disappearing but I got grounded (I am convinced that Math is the Devil). Anyway I plan to update everything (yes EVERYTHING!) within the next two days so please review! ^_^**

Rules of the TARDIS

_Chapter Thirty-one_

301. The Tenth Doctor has a mole between his shoulders.

302. But it's okay, because he loves the mole.

303. Good old English tea is just the thing for healing the synapses.

304. The Doctor is a lion king fan.

305. And a Harry Potter fan.

306. He cried when he read the seventh book.

307. Her name is Donna Noble.

308. Yes, you may salute her.

309. Cutting off an Ood's brain=revenge of the Ood.

310. Time lord. Dream lord. Same thing.


	32. Chapter 32

Rules of the TARDIS

_Chapter Thirty-two_

311. The Doctor invented the home video thirty years early.

312. Betamax

313. Don't mistake sweet and passionate for nice.

314. Never say "Never ever."

315. Crossing into established events is forbidden.

316. Except for cheap tricks.

317. The Doctor is being childish!

318. Well of course he is!

319. There's no point being grown up if he can't be childish sometimes!

320. "All right." Is Time Lord code for "Really not all right at all."


	33. Chapter 33

Rules of the TARDIS

_Chapter Thirty-three_

321. The Doctor can also tell when it is by licking

322. And what it's made of.

323. So can Romana.

324. It must be a Time Lord thing.

325. But that's from the fourth Doctor era…

326. Who cares, Four rocks!

327. The Doctor is universally recognized as a mature and responsible adult.

328. That's a lie too big for even the psycic paper.

329. There are lots of clothes in the wardrobe.

330. And possibly a swimming pool.


	34. Chapter 34

Rules of the TARDIS

_Chapter Thirty-four_

331. Fish from space have never been so buxom.

332. The Doctor thinks Arthur is a good name for a horse.

333. The Doctor doesn't like to say "Magic door."

334. The TARDIS is the sports car of time machines.

335. It's speed is relative.

336 Don't knock the TARDIS.

337. In England, Daleks exterminate.

338. In Germany, Daleks exterminate.

339. Basically…RUN!

340. Jack is captain of the innuendo squad.


	35. Chapter 35

**I want to thank Emily, SonicTeamCE, Dark-Wiccan-Goddess, SoMeOnE, Kage Yoru, goblindreamer, and readandwrite4ever for the help on these last few chapters! Ideas are welcome! I wanna get it up to 500 rules! ^_^**

Rules of the TARDIS

_Chapter Thirty-five_

341. Time travel is like visiting Paris.

342. You can't just read the guidebook. You've got to throw yourself in.

343. Eat the food

344. Get charged double.

345. Use the wrong verbs

346. And end up kissing a complete stranger!

347. Or is that just me?

348. When the Doctor forgets he's a Time Lord, don't let him hurt anyone.

349. Or abandon Martha.

350. Or (God forbid!) eat a pear!


End file.
